The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
