I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
