is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
