Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
