i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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