I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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