you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
