I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
