I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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