You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
