You smell like a Billy Joel song
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Enjoy the penises
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
