And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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