I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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