I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
