he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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