VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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