My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
