Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
