the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
