I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
