3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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