we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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