Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
