i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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