Screwed.edu
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
