Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
