I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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