I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
