I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
