i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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