member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
