Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
How does one acquire holy water?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
