I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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