dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
