the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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