You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
