Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
