I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
