OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize
