My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
