if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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