For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
this just has baby written all over it
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
