Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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