i was born a porn star she said
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
