Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
