worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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