I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
