boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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