Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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