Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
